EMDR for Prolonged Grief and Tramatic Loss

Prolonged Grief Disorder: Signs, Symptoms, and How EMDR Therapy Can Help

Grief is a natural response to losing someone you love, and for many people, the intensity of that loss gradually softens over time. While the sadness may never fully disappear, it often becomes easier to carry. However, some people find themselves feeling trapped in overwhelming grief months or even years after a loss. This experience, often referred to as prolonged grief, complicated grief, or traumatic grief, can make it difficult to reconnect with life, relationships, and a sense of purpose. Understanding prolonged grief and how EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) therapy can help is an important step toward healing.

Tom’s Story

Tom had been married to Glenda for nearly fifty five years. They met when they were young, fell in love, and built a life together. They raised children, welcomed grandchildren, and looked forward to retirement. They had plans to travel and enjoy the years ahead together.

Then everything changed.

One ordinary day Glenda developed a headache, collapsed, and was rushed to hospital. Following a devastating aneurysm and stroke, Tom was faced with the unimaginable decision of saying goodbye to the woman who had been his constant companion for most of his life.

A year later, Tom found himself withdrawing from the people who cared about him most.

His children encouraged him to spend time with family and see his grandchildren, but he avoided them. He stopped doing many of the activities he once enjoyed. When advertisements appeared on television about travel, he would leave the room. Any reminder of Glenda brought an overwhelming wave of sadness, anger, and pain.

On the surface, it looked as though Tom was coping by staying busy and keeping to himself. Inside, however, he was struggling.

People experiencing prolonged grief often describe:

• Feeling emotionally stuck

• Avoiding reminders of their loved one

• Intense sadness that feels overwhelming

• Anger about what happened

• Withdrawal from family and friends

• Difficulty enjoying life

• Feelings of emptiness or numbness

• A sense that life has lost its meaning or direction

• Constant preoccupation with the loss

• Feeling as though the loss happened yesterday, even years later

Sometimes people may think:

• “I should be over this by now.”

• “Why can’t I move on?”

• “Why do I still feel so overwhelmed?”

• “Why can’t I just remember them without falling apart?”

These reactions are often not signs of weakness. Instead, they may indicate that the brain has been unable to fully process an overwhelming loss.

Not all grief is traumatic.

However, when a loved one’s passing is sudden, unexpected, frightening, or involves difficult medical circumstances, the brain can become overwhelmed. In these situations, memories may become “stuck.”

Rather than being stored as something that happened in the past, parts of the experience continue to feel emotionally present. Certainly, reminders can instantly trigger intense sadness, shock, helplessness, guilt, anger, or despair.

For people like Tom, avoiding reminders often becomes a way of coping. Unfortunatly, this only serves to prolong the suffering. Grieving in this way often serves to reduce connection, joy, and meaning with other loved ones.

How EMDR Can Help

EMDR is a therapy designed to help the brain process distressing experiences that have become stuck.

Very importantly, EMDR does not involve forgetting a loved one. It does not erase memories. It does not force people to “move on.”

Instead, EMDR helps the brain process the traumatic aspects of the loss so that memories can be stored more healthily and adaptively.

During treatment, a skilled therapist works collaboratively with the client at a pace that feels safe and manageable.

The therapist helps the client:

• Build emotional safety and coping skills

• Approach painful memories gradually

• Process traumatic moments connected to the loss

• Reduce the emotional intensity of distressing memories

• Work through feelings of guilt, anger, helplessness, or regret

• Reconnect with positive memories and experiences

• Restore a sense of meaning, purpose, and connection

Many clients find that memories that once felt unbearable gradually become easier to hold.

The memory remains.

The love remains.

Successful grief therapy does not mean forgetting. It does not mean loving the person any less.

In fact, many people discover that they can feel closer to their loved one after the traumatic aspects of the loss have been processed.

For someone like Tom, progress might look like:

• Being able to think about Glenda without becoming overwhelmed

• Looking at photographs with sadness and love rather than unbearable pain

• Sharing stories about her with family

• Enjoying time with children and grandchildren again

• Returning to hobbies and interests

• Reconnecting with friends

• Feeling hopeful about the future

• Carrying memories with warmth rather than constant suffering